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Cipher

by Geena Renee

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1.
Safe Haven 03:21
I am a giver, expecting nothing in return But a smile on your face only I can bring I am a giver, because I want your love And I want your love because you made me want it Because you made me want it Because you made me want it Where’s my safe haven, where’s my safe haven You should be giving, you should be giving No second chances, no compromises Where’s my safe haven, where’s my safe haven? I am a rebel against my own skin I am a master of self-destruction Because you made me want it Because you made me want it Where’s my safe haven, where’s my safe haven You should be giving, you should be giving No second chances, no compromises Where’s my safe haven, where’s my safe haven? No warmth from your body could make me feel less cold inside No gaze from your eyes could make me feel less dead inside Because you made me feel it Because you made me feel it Where’s my safe haven, where’s my safe haven You should be giving, you should be giving No second chances, no compromises Where’s my safe haven, where’s my safe haven?
2.
I took a step out onto the balcony It was getting loud in there and I couldn’t breathe But I never left I wouldn’t leave unless you told me to I never left I wouldn’t leave unless you told me to But I’m afraid you’ll leave me here I’m afraid you’ll leave me here Just say the word and I’ll take my ineloquent prose And tuck it beneath my soul Where no one can find it unless they Swallow me whole One day I will love myself without asking if it’s okay One day I will love myself without asking if it’s okay But I’m afraid you’ll leave me here I’m afraid you’ll leave me here I’m afraid you’ll leave me here I’m afraid you’ll leave me here One day I will love myself without asking if it’s okay One day I will love myself without asking if it’s okay But I’m afraid I’m afraid you’ll leave me here I’m afraid you’ll leave me here
3.
Hold me close and wait for the come down Pick me up just to watch me fall again You’re getting too close You’re getting too close Save your ignorance Lend me your ears so I can tell my secrets Of lowest lows and wavering innocence You’re getting too close You’re getting too close Save your ignorance At the eleventh hour You’re my midnight oxygen A line through my tired veins To give me a fix I can have Hold me close and wait for the come down Pick me up, hope that I will breathe again
4.
The Ghost 03:32
Brown boxes, dust on a shelf Cobwebs on my sense of self Blurred visions of security Convoluted poetry I will give up the ghost I will give up the ghost Bandages on aging scars Resistant to lies, symmetry of were and are Past lovers’ wishes wrapped and tied with a bow Over and over and over and over I will give up the ghost I will give up the ghost Faulty composure Static rage Wavering virtue Unbalanced pain Faulty composure Static rage Wavering virtue Unbalanced pain I will give up the ghost I will give up the ghost
5.
Dandelions 03:06
One day I will be the girl I’ve always wanted to be I’ll see the world through crystalline and fear nothing There will be more than rosebuds inside of me I’ll look in the mirror and feel something When you said to me, “You’ll never love this life you’re living,” I never thought I’d realize you were right And if I had known that there’s much more I could be giving The girl in me wouldn’t be this hard to find One day I will be the girl I’ve always wanted to be I will see in blues and reds and yellows and greens I will turn myself inside out and let others see I will be a character and not a figurine When you said to me, “You’ll never love this life you’re living,” I never thought I’d realize you were right And if I had known that there’s much more I could be giving The girl in me wouldn’t be this hard to find But I’ve tried loving and I’ve tried jumping For others, but never for myself Love is blind and I’ve lost the light in my eyes But I’ll keep searching and I’ll keep working For dandelions in cavities In need of light, in need of light to bloom For somewhere there are dandelions in you
6.
A Science 02:59
After all of the seconds, all of the moments I ran out of breath and tried not to show it Marked my skin so your scars were my scars too After all we’ve been through, I was a body to you Burned my morals, shut my lips Redefined what true love is Did whatever you wanted me to do After all we’ve been through, I was a science to you Begged me to sleep in your bed Then told me the next day our love was dead Told me things felt wrong for a week or two After all we’ve been through, I was a cradle to you I was kisses and touches, skin and bones Animalistic gazes and moans Torn clothes and dirty sheets Someone to call and somewhere to sleep I was your undercover lover, minus the love Because I was a stepping stone to you After all we’ve been through After I cared for you Even though my heart was true I was a body to you
7.
Flies 04:00
I just want quiet once in a while, I want silence all the time I wanna hear these atoms sing For I’m an atom in this world and I am full of sparks that fly Fly, fly, fly The noise never settles down until somebody dies And by the time our ears pop out her face is full of flies Oh, how pitiful Oh, how pitiful She was such a pretty girl There was a girl who lost her way, she was tormented they say I do not know her name We do not speak of how or why, but we will bow our heads and cry Cry, cry, cry The noise never settles down until somebody dies And by the time our ears pop out her face is full of flies Oh, how pitiful Oh, how pitiful She was such a pretty girl The noise never settles down until somebody dies And by the time our ears pop out her face is full of flies Oh, how pitiful Oh, how pitiful She was such a pretty girl
8.
Microscope 02:53
Are your teeth a little big, are they just too white? Jump underneath the microscope Are your legs a little wide, or are your jeans too tight? Jump underneath the microscope I’ll need paper, a pen, a ruler, a scale, a magnifying glass Charts with decimals, percentiles, to show it to the class Let’s blow up the frame, let the blemishes escape From underneath the microscope Do you have wrinkles when you frown? Lines that scream your age loud Jump underneath the microscope Do your eyes droop down? Are your feet as big as a clown’s? Jump underneath the microscope I’ll need paper, a pen, a ruler, a scale, a magnifying glass Charts with decimals, percentiles to show it to the class Let’s blow up the frame, watch perfection take shape Underneath the microscope No need to be ashamed, no need to have fright Grab a needle, count to three, go under the knife This will have to be ’til the next time we meet Underneath the microscope Let’s blow up the frame, watch addiction take shape Underneath the microscope
9.
The Creek 03:01
Rust on my rosary My rosary, I fetched from the creek When my soul was still clean You marked territory underneath Pounds of makeup A scarf I’d use improperly If I had known you’d dispose of me Stole every ounce of me Every ounce of me you could hold Captive in my own sheets A sacred sanctuary I’m not living I’m just breathing air I’m not this body She’s been good to me, it’s not fair Silenced her too Stripped her too He led her to The side of the creek

credits

released October 20, 2017

Cipher © 2017 Geena Renee. Music and Lyrics by Geena Renee; Vocals by Geena Renee; Piano for tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, and 8 by Geena Renee; Piano for track 9 by Mason McDowell; Additional vocals for tracks 1, 3, and 9 by Mason McDowell and Corry Loveday; Guitar for tracks 1, 2, 4, 6, and 7 by Stevo Ristano, Guitar for tracks 2, 3, 5, and 6 by Alex Frondelli; Bass by Andrew Friedman; Drums by Alex Frondelli; Trumpet by Carey Ozmun and Eric Frost; Clarinet by Michael Raia; Orchestration for track 8 by Geena Renee; Produced by Geena Renee and Jared Waters; Engineered by Jared Waters, Jesse Melito, and Darnell Jordan; Mixed by Jared Waters, Jesse Melito, and Matt Bracco; Mastered by Mike Kalajian; Photography by Natalie LaSpisa; Styling and Graphic Design by Natalie LaSpisa and Celina Marzullo; Makeup by Eylin Brea-Feliz.

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